Ever since I can remember, I have called my sister ‘Unni.’ Literally ‘older sister’ in Korean, it is a respectful term that girls use to call both kin sisters and other older girls they are close to, and it can also be used following a given name. Even among twin sisters there is an unni. Just being born a few minutes earlier entitles the older girl to a degree of respect. Thus I have lived all my life calling Faith, who is two years my senior, ‘older sister.’ This term, I feel, has always been at the center of our relationship.
I moved in with Faith and her two roommates a few days ago. At first I was prepared for it to be very awkward, but things have changed since I last lived with her in our parents’ home. We wake up around the same time, and she gets ready to go to work while I make breakfast. I prefer a heartier meal while Faith is always in a rush to catch her bus and rarely has time to sit down and eat. My first breakfast in this new house was rice porridge that I made, and a variety of typical strongly flavored Korean side dishes that our mother had packed us.
That morning as a broke up the hard, brittle pieces of toasted rice for the porridge, I realized I had put in more than I could eat alone. It was not based on a fully formed intent, but I felt it would be odd to prepare only my own breakfast. Looking at the digital clock on the stove, I stirred the bubbling pot, hoping the rice would soften in time for Faith to at least take it with her for lunch. She came downstairs with a few minutes to spare and I quickly poured half of the steaming, slightly-undercooked porridge into a glass Tupperware container. She took a few quick bites of the side dishes and rushed out the door with the Tupperware in her hand. Afterwards, I ate my half of the porridge alone in the empty house.
That first morning, I was acting in the role of the younger sister whose duty is to serve her Unni. Though Faith is only two years (and 3 months) older, she was three years ahead of me in school, and this distance felt substantial while we were growing up, but now it is slowly but surely decreasing. Since we started living together without our parents, she asks me what I would like for dinner and we prepare the meals together. Because she has started to treat me more like her equal, she feels a little less like the Unni I grew up with, and more like a companion that I have come to live with.
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